What do you get when you put twenty seven candles on a cake? You guessed it – my fucking age.
That’s right, it was officially me day (although I like to think that every day of the week that ends with a ‘Y’ is me day…) And it was also, officially, my first ever birthday in Dubai and my first ever birthday away from home. Cue sad music.
For some, having your first birthday away from home may not be worthy of a milestone status but for many, your first birthday without close friends and family can be a big deal as you suddenly realise just how far away you are from your nearest and dearest on a day – or a month if you are like me and rip the arse out of it – that usually brings all of the madness that keeps you sane in life together.
While they still send messages, post about 50,000 photos that shockingly Instagram didn’t censor, post cards (that arrive basically four months later with the Dubai customs clearly thinking a card from Scotland must be laced with all sorts of drugs) and transfer money to treat yo’ self to a cocktail or a quarter of a cocktail with the price of drinks over here…it still doesn’t replace in-person hugs, kisses, drunken shots and sobbing declarations of love – just me and my friends and family? – that is usually received during this special occasion.
However, being someone that follows the Scottish mantra of ‘not here for a sad wan but a mad wan’ – wan means one in Scots language… – I was determined to make my expat birthday just as fun, sentimental and memorable with my newly acquired nearest and dearest in Dubai. But how does one do such a thing?
Luckily for me, I was not alone.
With November being an extremely popular birthday month with parents obviously being rampant and careless during the romantic Valentine period, it turned out that I had many a Scorpio Sister more than happy to share their birthday limelight which meant more help when it came to the birthday of the year planning.
There was venues to be contacted, deposits to be collected, a trapeze act to be sourced and the back and forth haggling with Beyonce’s agent to see if she would attend for the persuasive amount of 500AED…I’m sure that is similar in numbers to what The Royal Atlantis gave her, right?
Okay, okay, okay. There maybe wasn’t that much to sort but it was still nice to have someone to help in the decision making process of deciding where to go and who to invite with big events feeling like a game of chess as you try and figure out who gets along with who (yes, the Dubai high school mentality can really be that bad at times…).
However, once the final details were all confirmed with seating plans drawn up like a military strategy to ensure there was no explosive outcomes (well at least not until we were well into our third hour of the brunch…) all that was left to do was to sit back, put on my birthday tiara and be grateful that this year I wouldn’t have to stress about potentially having to source a boat to my birthday plans as opposed to a taxi due to the torrential Scottish rain…
And while there were many things that I felt sad about missing out on from my usual home birthdays – the birthday square sausage wake up call from mum; the over consumption of shots at Tingle and the ice cold hug from an Irn Bru can the next day to fight the fear – I realised there were many things that was great about having my birthday over in Dubai!
For starters, main and dessert everything seemed to be extra.
Going into work was extra. If, like me, you ensure that your birthday is widely known by all your classes from the beginning of the year with it also being set as an assignment on all your Google Classrooms – just me? – then it’s safe to say that, as teachers, we expect a little bit of kindness from the pupils on our birthday. In Scotland, that is shown by pupils refraining from telling you to fuck off that day or offering you the last bite of their Twix…In Dubai however, it is shown by lavish gifts that range from monetary vouchers, designer handbags and more chocolate than even Bruce from Matilda would know what to do with.
Therefore, as I left work with more bags than Johnny Depp on a weekend bender, I was beginning to think that birthdays in Dubai were something I could get used to.
A thought that continued when I realised that my friends had went extra as well. With banners and birthday balloons decorated over my door, and cards and presents left inside – yes, nobody locks anything here as it’s more common to come home having gained something than having something stolen – my sadness about my desert birthday continued to turn to happiness.
You see, with the majority of people being expats they get that it can be hard having a birthday away from home. This means that it is up to them and them alone to help make your birthday special and luckily for me, I had the friends that were more than up to the task.
These friends were also more than up to the task of getting me to the emotional, embarrassing, unable to remember my name, age or hair colour drunk that my friends back in Scotland usually accomplished every year. Their ability in achieving this was also most likely helped by the fact that the birthday celebration itself in Dubai was extra. With rooftop view of the Palm, live entertainment and unlimited drinks proving quite the contrast to a small, dark and cramped shooters bar at the end of a cobbled lane beside a strippers (but I do love you Tingle) it was quite the contrast.
So, as I woke up the next day with bag, phone and dignity missing I knew that my first birthday in Dubai had been a great success. Now if I could just stop getting older that would be great…