Never was there a more relatable lyric in music history than when Madonna stated: ‘We all need a holiday.’ And, surprisingly, this phrase is just as relevant when you live in Dubai.
While you may be thinking: ‘Hey, isn’t Dubai already a holiday destination?’ Well, unless you fancy pulling up a sunbed beside Satan and playing the fun game of ‘find the oxygen,’ then it is somewhere you definitely want to flee from for the summer months.
However, with many teachers usually choosing to return back to their native ‘Promiseland’ for the entirety of the Summer break – as clearly growing up there for our full lives still wasn’t long enough to allow us to memorise all of the different types of chewing gum stuck on our local streets pavement – this year wasn’t as straightforward; with Covid turning it into ‘Mission Impossible’ as Dubai was still categorised as a ‘red country’ (queue theme music).
So, before the great escape from the great fire of Dubai could begin, teachers met in huddles to create battle plans with crime scene style investigation boards that Charlie Kelly would have been proud of.
On these investigation boards? Thousands of lines, crisscrossing over a variety of destinations on a world map as we tried to figure out our best options for smuggling ourselves into the UK.
With only a handful of countries on the ‘Green List,’ it was like a game of Jenga trying to figure out which country was worth taking the risk for and wouldn’t result in bringing your full Summer plans crashing to the ground.
Therefore, after much deliberation and many bum cheek clenching moments as we tried and tested Jenga pieces that threatened our full architectural structure, we finally reached a logical conclusion: Magaluf, here we come!
Yip, I know what you’re thinking – what an extremely cultural, relaxing and teacher appropriate holiday me and my friends were about to embark on. But two weeks had to be spent in a ‘Green Country’ if we wanted to get home and Magaluf was the cheapest destination out of all of the options. Now, I wonder why that might be…
Anyway, while Magaluf is described as the ‘Dubai’ of Europe, being in our late twenties – still young, I assure you… – we were unsure of what to pack and what to expect. Would taking a book titled ‘50 Things to Try Before You Die,’ be acceptable reading by the pool? Would a bottle of cod liver oil look out of place amongst the empty bottles of beer and wine?
And what about beaded jewelry, inflatable crocodiles and hotpants with the words ‘Shagaluf’ printed in large text on the arse cheeks; were these avenues into blending in and, even, seeming cool to the much younger group of holiday goers we were about to encounter?
Additionally, we then had to pack for our plans beyond reliving our ‘first’ girls holiday, which were returning back to Scotland. And while Scotland does, occasionally, have two days of sunshine in July, it was clear that a large variety of clothes was going to be needed to be packed. A dilemma that, as a teaching expat, you will revisit most years. Combined with the fact you also want to leave space in your case so as to be able to bring back some home comforts such as: chocolate, cheaper toiletries, a new vibrator…it was a logistical nightmare!
However, despite all these initial problems, me and my friends had managed to get to the airport and board the flight without too many difficulties.
Therefore, as the plane finally touched down in Mallorca, we couldn’t wait to get bombarded by 50,000 PR’s before accepting the cheapest offer of 15 shots and a fishbowl to officially begin our summer holiday that we had fondly dubbed ‘Granaluf.’
And, while it wasn’t the travel destination I had expected to first venture to from the golden travel hub of Dubai, I knew that Granaluf would be the first of many that would only help to reaffirm my love for the Sandy City, with its excellent location helping to fuel my travel addiction, an addiction with more options than you could dream of for your next hit.
