Having officially checked out of the Heartbreak Hotel, it seemed my next destination was to the crisp aisle in Spinneys to pop the lid off my new life as a single pringle.
However, whether I was ready to dip myself into the wide assortment of flavours that Dubai has to offer was another thing but – as your mammy would say when you are younger – if you don’t try, you will never know. My mum was talking about food at the time; little did she know that her words of wisdom would be used for such euphemistic vulgarity twenty years down the line…
Anyway, with her words of wisdom resounding around my head, I decided it was time to shove on my heels, put on some lippy and go to the one place that you are guaranteed to get chatting to someone of the opposite sex in Dubai. Because, in the wise words of the Pringles senior marketing executives: once you pop, the fun don’t stop. And what better place to continue that fun than the after brunch sensation destination that is -McGettigan’s.
Now, if you have never heard of the infamous McGettigans let me set the scene…It is a zoo of a bar where being hunted or doing the hunting of the opposite sex was a promised activity in this top tier location – especially when presenting yourself back on the single market. It was a destination where numbers were swapped – amongst other things – as people chased their after brunch plans long into the evening in search of that bedtime snuggle buddy to help them fight the Sunday scaries the next day – or make them worse…
Therefore, as I turned up to McGettigans with my limbs cutting more shapes than Mr Tickle – clearly a side effect from something I had eaten at the brunch earlier… – I knew straight away that I was in for a flavourful night. Or was I?
As I stared at the different species of men mingling with one another with some already zoning in on their prey; some being preyed and some just trying to survive after their 10th shot of tequila, I suddenly felt apprehensive. Was this pringle ready to leave the box and let themselves be engulfed by another person’s lips? Or would I crack and crumble to the floor before I allowed myself to get to that point?
You see, I hadn’t kissed anyone since Mr. Bluff. Hadn’t even spoken to anyone. The thought of doing so had seemed like a betrayal. And, as the age old story goes, we had continued to hook up after the end. To send late night messages when alcohol absorbed our shame and helped me, as it has countless others, to believe that maybe, just maybe, we would wake up together the next day and realise it had all been a nightmare. That we were still together.
But unfortunately, that’s not how life works. And with each encounter making me feel more and more like a used condom after he would leave, I knew it was time to stop. To have more self-respect. To break free of his toxic hold that had become poison to my life. But was hooking up with someone in McGettigans really the antidote?
I guess there was only one way to find out.
And, just like that, I allowed myself to be dragged to the bar to purchase some liquid courage because the 20,000 drinks I had consumed at brunch already clearly weren’t enough. However, by allowing myself to be dragged to the bar, I had also allowed myself to enter the jungle. To enter one of the predators prime hunting areas.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ I had only been at the bar two minutes and already the mating rituals of the male species had begun. Having never been an individual to turn down a free drink – its actually against Scottish law to say no to a freebie – I accepted and knew that in doing so, I had officially put up my for sale sign on the single pringle market.
However, this was exactly what I had hoped to achieve. I had done it! I had pushed Mr. Bluff’s dip to the side and officially started twisting the lid on others (no, not in that way you dirty dogs…). And it wasn’t long before I found a dip that I liked more than any other causing the familiar doubts to creep back into my mind of: was I ready?
He was handsome. He was funny. He seemed to have a genuine interest in me. He was older (only by four years but still) and he had lived in Dubai for six years as well – all major green flags I looked for now that I had a better understanding of the Dubai male single market. And, while I wasn’t looking for my next boyfriend, I couldn’t help but feel that same familiar tug of destiny I had felt before. That or that last shot had really went down the wrong way…
He was more than I could have ever hoped for from my initial scans of the creatures prowling around the McGettigans landscape. A prince amongst paupers. And a kiss from a prince was exactly what I needed to break the evil spell cast upon me by Mr. Bluff.